Saturday, April 17, 2010

Corn Mazes are for Giving Blowjobs

I'm a bad, bad blogger. No, seriously, I will be more diligent. Especially as life starts to calm down in a few weeks (Think: graduation).

I don't know if mazes made out of a cornfield hold a spot on your bucket list, but they sure as hell reside on mine. Any sort of gigantic maze sounds amazing, especially if David Bowie is waiting for me at the end. I don't recall why the thought crossed my mind, but I decided to google nearby mazes and found one at a farm about an hour away from my hometown. I convinced (although, convincing would imply there was some sort of hesitation) my boyfriend at the time to go, and then his parents jumped in on the idea. Free ride and admission! That's what parents are there for.

We got to the farm and took this massive tractor/wagon down to the not so massive maze, into and out of which small children were running. Disappointment was ever-present, but we held our adult heads high and marched into the "depths" of the cornfield maze. And by cornfield maze, I mean maybe 3 to 4 short paths through the field with a slight spattering of dead-ends. Joe and I separated from his parents in an attempt to revert back to a childlike state, since the only way to enjoy the charlatan that dared to call itself a maze was to pretend we were the age of 5 or 6. Although, 5 and 6 year olds don't tend to become horny when with those of the opposite sex and sneak into the unmazed portion of the cornfield in order to perform fellatio. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you can catch them. Those crazy kids.

Yes, yes. I gave head in a cornfield maze. Don't worry, it wasn't in the middle of the main drag with screaming children and stressed parents encircling us. We snuck into the thick of the corn stalks and I went to town. Nothing like the sound of your future parenthood screeching in your ears while you're getting your dick sucked. I mean, that must be such a turn on. Damn, this is what having kids is like? Oh, yeah girl, deepthroat. Umm, what?? No wonder we broke up. I should've been pissed he wasn't flaccid. That's incredibly disturbing. Almost as disturbing as the thought that a small child could've seen the very base of your shaft while you skullfucked me. F-ing creep.

Okay, okay. It was my idea. But still. He's the one that actually found pleasure amidst the chaos of the pussy ass cornfield maze. Just saying, maybe he should've said that he felt uncomfortable. I guess it was the whole "Oooh we're doing something dirty and could get caught quite easily," that propelled the moment. Looking back, I realized I could now be paying for some kid's lifelong therapy sessions just because Joe wanted a beej and couldn't wait a few hours (Probably cause he knew I wouldn't fucking feel like it in a few hours. Gotta grab at the opportunity while its hot.)

Life lesson: think before you s?

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